Wow, It's Been Too Long!

   Oh how blogging has gotten away from me.  I knew it had been a while, but August!  wow!  I guess it's just been one this after another, September came and back to school with the twins starting kindergarten.  Baby Scarlet, who isn't a baby anymore but a toddler, started daycare and I continued working full time.  My husband wasn't working and the stress of every little thing was piling up, more than I knew, and by December part of me cracked.  It was like the load just came down and I could no longer breathe.  I quite my job, suddenly,  my anxiety was so high I had to walk away.  I spent the rest of December and January in a funk,  our last bit income come and gone, we didn't know what we going to do.
    My husband took a traffic control course (flagging) and even tho we heard many places were hiring he didn't hear back.  Things were tight, and finally he got a call and he's been working full time since.  Flagging is unpredictable so it could change at any time but we'll take what we can get.   There been a lot of other small ups and downs...downs that on top of already stressful situation felt crushing but we're working them out.
    We're considering moving back to our home town, there's a whole other stress.  Finding a job, finding a place to live, moving the kids to a new school, I would probably have to find a job which would mean finding a new daycare for Scarlet.  All of that puts that weight back on chest and I feel like I can't breathe, but that is where I really want to be so we'll see what we can do.
   I'm on a new medication and hoping I can get some of my energy back and start creating again.  Soon, hopefully soon.

Pendants

I've been making pendants. They're family tree pendants and I must say, I LOVE THEM! I don't often love something so much that I've made myself but I really love the way these come out.

The info is here on my facebook page: HeartCrafted

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.214311971913050.56735.202389506438630

I also have a wide variety of loss ribbons available, October 15th is coming up-Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

If you're not into facebook you can email me at heartcrafted@live.ca

Music is Healing

Carly has started a "music class" blog post, check it out here:

http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2011/08/the-project-heal-music-class-week-one.html

A way for babyloss parents to share the music that is important to them. Music has ALWAYS been huge for me. I use it to work thru everything in my life, from happiness to sadness. Music says so much that I could never say myself.
I love most kinds of music, if it has lyrics that speak to me or a good beat. Music is just wonderful for life. I don't play any instruments or sing...well I sing, but only when no one is around to hear me! lol.

There are a couple songs that are really special to me. The first one is called "The Blood of Cuchulainn. It's instrumental and I don't know why this song gets to me, but I could sob whenever I hear it. I just FEEL Ireland in it, I can't explain it. If you listen to it, the part from 1:17 to 1:35 is my favorite.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuC1DqC67GM

The other song I'll share is called Ireland and it's by Garth Brooks. It's actually about war but there are a few lyrics that are just perfect, and of course hearing anything with your child's name is always beautiful. My favorite lyrics of the song are:
"Her eyes are the stars in heaven, watching o'ver us all the while
And her heart it is in Ireland, deep within the emerald isle"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOUiboOsUwU

Signs

I'm trying to get better at blogging. I'm usually so tired...well, lazy...that I do facebook and that's it. But I won this lovely pre-made blog design by Fran at Small Bird Studios (found here http://smallbirdstudios.com/ check her out if you haven't before, she is amazing) so I want this space to be used since it is OH SO pretty now!

Anyway, on to my post...
Signs. I think sometimes I look too hard for them. I want to know so badly that Ireland is still with me on some level -any level- that I search too hard, and then I wonder if it's really a sign or just something that I want to think is a sign. Ugh. However on Tuesday at work I had a co worker point out a customers keychain that was a clover that said Ireland on it as well as a sheep with a 'luck' saying of some sort. It was very similar to a keychain I bought that reminds me of my baby girl. This I just must believe was sent from my girl. I asked the woman where she got the keychain and she said "it came from Ireland". Even my co worker said she was sending us a hello on a bad day.
Then yesterday I was stuck behind a truck while on a 30 minute drive. It wasn't until about half way to our destination that I realized the truck had a clover on the back of it...again, thank you baby girl.

I just need to remember to step back and let life happen. She will come to me when I need her to.

Sleep

Sleep has not come easy lately. Too much stress and my mind cannot relax. I'm too tired to do anything so nothing gets done around the house and I don't work on any of my art. Something has to get me moving. Depression sucks.

Hooray!

I just won a premade blog by the wonderful Franchesca Cox at Small Bird Studios. Time to start blogging again!

Check out this give away

The Vintage Pearl is hosting an awesome give away. I've never heard of them until today but the jewelery is gorgeous. Check it out and enter to win.

http://thevintagepearl.blogspot.com/2011/03/happy-birthday-to-me-big-giveaway.html