Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Loss

"They say I lost the baby, like it was my keys or something"

That's a line from a movie, a line that cuts into my heart. It's so true. When you have a miscarriage that's what you say..."I lost the baby" And sometimes it sounds so stupid.

 lost – adjective
1. no longer possessed or retained

I don't know why this is in my head right now, just a random thought. The pain of a miscarriage never leaves you, it dissipates, it gets easier, but it never goes away. It comes up at odd times and overwhelms you, takes over your thoughts. At times like this I just want to curl up, watch a sad movie and cry-get out all my emotions and move on. Times like this make me even more thankful for the 3 healthy children that I was blessed with.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Life

Oh it's amazing how life can drag you down some days and lift you up the next. Life has been a little hard for us lately, but we're getting thru, we're trying. Trying is all I can ask for, and all I need.
This is a vague post, I know.

Friday, October 24, 2008

music from 1996

Ok she got me again! Julia at http://sevenangels7.blogspot.com/ has another fun thing up today...You go to this website http://musicoutfitters.com/ type in the year you grad'ed in the search box and it takes you to a list of the top 100 songs from that year. Then you bold the ones you really like and strike thru the ones you hate. now I cannt figure out how to strike thru something so i'm going to put the ones i don't care either way in italics and leave the ones i hate. lol

1. Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix), Los Del Rio

2. One Sweet Day, Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men

3. Because You Loved Me, Celine Dion

4. Nobody Knows, Tony Rich Project

5. Always Be My Baby, Mariah Carey

6. Give Me One Reason, Tracy Chapman

7. Tha Crossroads, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony

8. I Love You Always Forever, Donna Lewis

9. You're Makin' Me High/Let It Flow, Toni Braxton

10. Twisted, Keith Sweat

11. C'mon N' Ride It (The Train), Quad City Dj's

12. Missing, Everything But The Girl

13. Ironic, Alanis Morissette

14. Exhale (Shoop Shoop), Whitney Houston

15. Follow You Down/Til I Hear It From You, Gin Blossoms

16. Sittin' Up In My Room, Brandy

17. How Do U Want It/California Love, 2Pac

18. It's All Coming Back To Me Now, Celine Dion

19. Change The World, Eric Clapton

20. Hey Lover, LL Cool J

21. Loungin, LL Cool J

22. Insensitive, Jann Arden

23. Be My Lover, La Bouche

24. Name, Goo Goo Dolls

25. Who Will Save Your Soul, Jewel

26. Where Do You Go, No Mercy

27. I Can't Sleep Baby (If I), R. Kelly

28. Counting Blue Cars, Dishwalla

29. You Learn/You Oughta Know, Alanis Morissette

30. One Of Us, Joan Osborne

31. Wonder, Natalie Merchant

32. Not Gon' Cry, Mary J. Blige

33. Gangsta's Paradise, Coolio

34. Only You, 112 Featuring The Notorious B.I.G.

35. Down Low (Nobody Has To Know), R. Kelly

36. You're The One, SWV

37. Sweet Dreams, La Bouche

38. Before You Walk Out Of My Life/Like This And Like That, Monica

39. Breakfast At Tiffany's, Deep Blue Something

40. 1, 2, 3, 4 (Sumpin' New), Coolio

41. The World I Know, Collective Soul

42. No Diggity, BLACKstreet (Featuring Dr. Dre)

43. Anything, 3t

44. 1979, The Smashing Pumpkins

45. Diggin' On You, TLC

46. Why I Love You So Much/Ain't Nobody, Monica

47. Kissin' You, Total

48. Count On Me, Whitney Houston and Cece Winans

49. Fantasy, Mariah Carey

50. Time, Hootie and The Blowfish

51. You'll See, Madonna

52. Last Night, Az Yet

53. Mouth, Merril Bainbridge

54. The Earth, The Sun, The Rain, Color Me Badd

55. All The Things (Your Man Won't Do), Joe

56. Wonderwall, Oasis

57. Woo-hah!! Got You All In Check/Everything Remains Raw, Busta Rhymes

58. Tell Me, Groove Theory

59. Elevators (Me and You), Outkast

60. Hook, Blues Traveler

61. Doin It, LL Cool J

62. Fastlove, George Michael

63. Touch Me Tease Me, Case Featuring Foxxy Brown

64. Tonite's Tha Night, Kris Kross

65. Children, Robert Miles

66. Theme From Mission: Impossible, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen

67. Closer To Free, Bodeans

68. Just A Girl, No Doubt

69. If Your Girl Only Knew, Aaliyah

70. Lady, D'angelo

71. Key West Intermezzo (I Saw You First), John Mellencamp

72. Pony, Ginuwine

73. Nobody, Keith Sweat

74. Old Man and Me (When I Get To Heaven), Hootie and The Blowfish

75. If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow

76. As I Lay Me Down, Sophie B. Hawkins

77. Keep On, Keepin' On, Mc Lyte

78. Jealousy, Natalie Merchant

79. I Want To Come Over, Melissa Etheridge

80. Who Do U Love, Deborah Cox

81. Un-Break My Heart, Toni Braxton

82. This Is Your Night, Amber

83. You Remind Me Of Something, R. Kelly

84. Runaway, Janet Jackson

85. Set U Free, Planet Soul

86. Hit Me Off, New Edition

87. No One Else, Total

88. My Boo, Ghost Town Dj's

89. Get Money, Junior M.A.F.I.A.

90. That Girl, Maxi Priest Featuring Shaggy

91. Po Pimp, Do Or Die

92. Until It Sleeps, Metallica

93. Hay, Crucial Conflict

94. Beautiful Life, Ace Of Base

95. Back For Good, Take That

96. I Got Id/Long Road, Pearl Jam

97. Soon As I Get Home, Faith Evans

98. Macarena, Los Del Rio

99. Only Wanna Be With You, Hootie and The Blowfish

100. Don't Cry, Seal

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

So I've stumbled upon a blog: http://sevenangels7.blogspot.com/ written by a woman named Julia. She writes honestly about personal things, and I was interested becuz she has had many miscarriages and I just can't imagine. But being thru 2 myself I tend to get caught up in others experiences. Anyway, her blog is very fun and I actually won a prize from her (and you will never guess what the contest was! lol) and she was even sweet enough to send it to me up here in Canada even tho it was 2 books which I hope wasn't too pricey to send.

Ok that gets us back to now, something fun from her blog that I figured I'd do cuz I have nothing else to write about right now.

1. Where is your cell phone? shelf
2. Where is your significant other? work
3. Your hair color? black
4. Your mother? amazing
5. Your father? strong
6. Your favorite thing? photography
7. Your dream last night? dunno
8. Your dream/goal? photographer
9. The room you’re in? living
10. Your hobby? photography
11. Your fear? money
12. Where do you want to be in six years? home
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you’re not? confident
15. One of your wish list items? camera
16. Where you grew up? Nanaimo
17. The last thing you did? facebook
18. What are you wearing? glasses
19. Your T.V.? GREY'S!!
20. Your pet? annoying
21. Your computer? laptop
22. Your mood? sad
23. Missing someone? yes
24. Your car? accord
25. Something you’re not wearing? earrings
26. Favorite store? micheals
27. Your Summer? hard
28.Love someone? overly
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? today

Monday, October 13, 2008

So tell me your story...

There is blog called "So Tell Me Your Story", it is a scrapbook challenge blog. I've been checking it out for a while now but just haven't gotten around to doing a challenge yet, this month I decided to jump in. The challenge is to make a layout about your favorit quote/poem/whatnot and explain-just words, no pictures. Here's what I came up with. Mine is a digital scrap page.

The kit is called Rainy Day Collection by Retrodiva Designs

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Pain

There is some pain, some hurt that doesn't go away. It just seems to sit there. When it first happens it fills your whole body, you tingle, your stomach is in knots, your legs don't feel like they can even move. You want to just curl up in ball and forget that you even exist. But you can't, you've got children to look after and job to go to cuz you have bills to pay. So you get up, you manage to put one foot in front of the other and move thru your day. It's like your numb and not feeling anything. At least until another blow hits and then someone you feel worse than before, even tho you didn't think that was possible. Paint a smile on your face, pretend everything ok. When you're along you can let it all out, cry yourself to sleep, wonder how you let yourself get to this point in life. Why don't you feel like you deserve better. Your kids, they are your light, the bright part of every day.
So get up, put one foot in front of the other, try to feel better until something else hits, cuz it will...it's only a matter of time.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Pics from the hockey tournament

Jorja watching Daddy play hockey
Jorja playin and being silly
My handsome husband
Ryder with Grampa watching the zamboni

Sunday, September 28, 2008

A lot to be proud of

My last post was about how proud I was of my babes for doing so well in daycare. (they had a good 2 days after that as well) Today I am proud of my husband...well of course I'm proud of him every day but today my heart is captured again. Garry put on a hockey tournament this weekend to raise money for MS (multiple sclerosis). My mom was diagnosed in 2000 and has been fighting ever since.
Garry loves playing hockey, always has. He's played in different fun tournaments, ice hockey and roller hockey. Last year he decided he wanted to put on his own tournament but do it for a good cause-and for us that cause is MS. He did a great job. He got some great prizes, got help from others who got some great prizes, had spectacular jerzies made for his team, made sure he had all kinds of team prizes, had a good friend put on a dinner with partial procedes going to MS as well. Yes it's been stressfull, yes it's been hard work but it's all paid off this weekend. All the teams have had fun and I think most are looking forward to next year already! We don't know the final count on money raised but I'm sure it was pretty decent.
The kids even did well being at the arena half the day yesterday and Cooper made a new friend.

To my dear husband: Thank you. Thank you for all your hard work that nobody seen but me. Thank you for putting up with crabbiness when I was having a bad day and being a baby about not having more time with you. Thank you for putting together a weekend that will benefit my mother and many others dealing with this horrible disease. Thank you for loving me and being so wonderful.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Daycare

One day down, 2 to go. I am so proud of my babies (ok, i know they're toddles, but they're still my babies) today. They went to daycare for the first time and they both did wonderful. I am so blessed that I have a job that can work around my husbands schedule so that one of us usually home with the children and we don't have to worry about daycare. This week and next is a little messed up and the kids have to do daycare a couple days and I am so thankful that they did well and had a good time.
Next week we need someone to actually come to the house for Friday afternoon/evening, we'll see how they do with someone else giving them dinner and putting them to bed!

Monday, September 8, 2008

I sit on the couch, slouched into the corner, laptop on my lap. Left foot planted on the floor, right foot stretched out resting gently on my husband's foot. He reads, I type. I hope the boys stay asleep. I hear the wind rattle the large windows on my right, I wonder if that's what is waking the boys up tonite or if it's just another normal 'non-sleeping' nite in our house.
I give thanx for my family, me three beautiful kids. I am blessed.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

In the new house!

We successfully moved July 31st. It was a long day as moving usually is. We're squishing ourselves into a 2 bedroom place which is interesting. We're still unpacking and trying to find a place for everything. I'm working full time now so I've got even less time at home and the last thing I feel like doing is unpacking.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

way too tired


alright, i've been way too tired to post anything. working a lot, still packing and doing all that "mommy" stuff too.
tomorrow is my 6th wedding anniversary. I go to work 10am-4pm and then he goes to work 4pm-midnite...so we don't even get to see each other except for a couple hours in the morning. that sux.


Friday, July 25, 2008

oh the sleepiness

Between work and packing, and just normal every day stuff I'm so exhausted lately. We move next Thursday and already can't wait for it all to be over.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Keeping grounded

There are a few things I know will keep me grounded, this is one of them:

http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/

If you have a minute check out this blog. It is written by a man named Nate about his experience being a husband to a wonderful woman named Tricia who has CF and their baby daughter who was born 15+ weeks early...who are both doing wonderful right now I might add. He writes wonderfully and their journey is an amazing one.

When I'm having a bad day all I have to do is think of them and other families that have had the worry of having a child born too early. I can't imagine how stressful and scary that must be to have a child in the NICU, not knowing what's going to happen.

I also think about how long it took for us to have a successful pregnancy. Trying for a year and 2 miscarriages...so painful. I was just under 7 weeks pregnant for both, the second one really knocked me off my feet. The first time was awful, but I was told and read so much that said having a miscarriage with your first pregnancy was very common so I think the second time I was really hopeful. I thought that just maybe everything would ok this time so when I lost the baby it just killed me. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to leave the house. The pain cut in so deep that I didn't know how to leave it behind. Then I was caught in the middle of wanting to try again but being so terrified of losing another baby. So when I did get pregnant the third (and successful) time I was very guarded at first, I didn't let myself get too excited right away. We got an ultra sound at 7 weeks and everything was fine, at that point I let myself start feel good about it.

So the days that the kids are driving me absolutely crazy I let myself think of that pain, just briefly. I think of those days of feeling like I might never have a child and how blessed I would feel when I did. And I do feel blessed, and I try to remember that every day.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Cherished moments.


There are days that my children drive me crazy. Anyone with kids knows this feelings...you're tired, exhausted even, and you just want 5 minutes of peace! My twins Ryder and Jorja didn't have a good nap today so by 5pm they were tired and very cranky. By 6:15pm I was done listening to the whining so I said the magic word: bath. Yes this is a very powerful word in this household right now, they just L.O.V.E. their bath. I enjoyed my 40 or so minutes of happy twins by packing up the bathroom stuff (we're moving soon!) and just sitting. During this time Cooper played on the computer and also stayed out of my hair, truly a miracle.


And then it happened, it was time to pull the plug. Ryder: no problem. As soon as his hair gets wet he's ready to get out. Jorja: end of the world. During the past 2 weeks or so she has NOT wanted to get out of the tub! Even once all the water is gone and it's just her and a couple bubbles left she's happy just sitting there. So being that she was not in a good mood to begin with pulling her out of the tub was not fun. She cried when I pulled her out, she cried when I dried her off, she cried and squirmed when I put her diaper on...finally I got her to settle down by bribing her with a phone call to daddy at work. That worked! She said goodnite to dad, got on her jammies and then it was time to get into bed, and that's when any ounce of happiness, or even calmness, disappeared. She had a royal fit! Luckily Ryder layed down nicely, he was too exhausted to care what else was going on. I tried to snuggle with Jorja but she fought me to get up so I left the room and let her have her moment. About 30 seconds later it was quiet, you'd think that would be good but I knew it was too quick, and yep I heard the throwing start. She was taking the toys out of the toy box and throwing them on the floor so I went in and I sat down and made her sit with me until she calmed down. Oh holding her down to settle her is not fun but I knew it was the only way to calm her without her completely destroying her room. In about 5 minutes she took her soother and layed down. I cuddled up with her for a few seconds, she put her hand up my sleep (it's her 'thing') and snuggled in. I kissed her forehead and breathed in her lavender hair, I just wanted to crawl in and go to sleep with her. It's amazing how those small moments when everything is right can make you forget about the long moments of craziness that make you wanna pull out your hair!

She is now sleeping peacefully, looking angelic with the soft glow of her nite lite shining on her skin. The frustrating times of the day have fallen away and I'm left with the cherished moments. There are 2 other big things that make me forget those annoying times but I'll leave that for another post.






Wednesday, July 16, 2008

We bought a house!!

Oh there were times I thought we would never get to this point! We are awful with money, we spend too much and save none so when this opportunity came about we figured we'd better jump on it. Without going in to much detail we were able to "get" enough for a down payment and we got approved. The downside, it's a 2 bedroom single trailer...quite small for a family of 5. But we just couldn't let the opportunity pass us by so we figure we can make it work for a couple years and then see where we're at financially at that point and look in to something more suited to us. But for now we finally have a place of our OWN!! .home.

We're off to the lawyer tomorrow to sign all the papers and see if we can move our closing date up any.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Ok, so there is a bright side!

I found out yesterday that my aunt's cancer is NOT back!! What they seen on the first test must have just been a shadow becuz after the intensive test they saw nothing at all.

I am so gratefull!!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

There's a bright side?

I must admit I've never been a person that finds the good part of a situation. Bad, bad, bad. I always find the bad. My mom, who I love dearly, has taught me how to worry. If we were late we must be dead in a ditch, and that thinking passed on to me. It used to drive me crazy when she did it, and now it drives my husband crazy when I do it.

I think I've gotten better, I don't freak out quite as easily as I used to-at least not over the really simple things. But cancer isn't simple. Cancer isn't something I can just put aside.

My aunts cancer is back. She's been fighting it for a while, and fighting it hard. She was doing ok but at her last appointment they found it has returned and she went for tests last week to see how bad it is.

Then yesterday I found out one of my good friends may have cancer. I'm absolutely freaking out. People keep telling me not worry and keep positive thoughts up, and I really am trying. I'm trying becuz the thought of her actually having cancer is too scary to think of, when my mind goes there I just want to shut down.

If anyone is out there, please think some good thoughts.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

A change...

I've been going thru some stuff at home lately and decided I needed a change. A big one of some kind. Since it needed to be cheap (so not finishing my tattoo or getting another, lol) I figured hair dye was a good way to go.

I wanted something drastic, something you couldn't NOT notice, something I'd done before before.


Dark purple-really thought about that one, haven't done it since high school and that was fun.


Red-I really like red but I've been red many times.


Black. Yes, black is the color!





Thursday, March 13, 2008

Names

First of all: blogs, blogs and more blogs! I wish I had more time in the day to just sit and read blogs! I love getting a peak into others lives. Their beliefs, their daily activities, just them. It's interesting to me, but I just don't have the time to read everything I want. I keep bookmarking them but I don't always get to them.

Well a new I have stumbled upon is http://murraycrew.blogspot.com/ : 4tunate. The are a family with quadruplet boys! This is exciting to me becuz having twins myself I know its tricky, but have 4, wow! You guys rock!! The topic over there has been names-choosing names, rules for choosing names, etc. So I thought it might be fun to play along and share.



With both pregnancies we didn't find out what we were having, we went for the surprise. That meant we had to come up with a boy and a girl name. Well, girl names-no problem! We had so many we had a hard time choosing just one. Boy names, well that was another story. We could not agree on a boys name-nothing. We both had a feeling it would be a boy so when I went into labour 3 weeks early we figured we better pick something. We of course had been throwing names around for months but nothing that we both really liked.

So during the day, waiting to go back to the hospital, Garry brings up the name Cooper. I like this name, and funny enough I had actually brought it up TO HIM a couple months before and he wasn't crazy about it. Go figure. So we decided on Cooper and as soon as we seen him we knew it was the right name. Garry likes to take credit for it, but I know I thought of it first!!

His middle name was easy, it's Kenneth after my daddy. I also wanted a second middle name to be Grant after Garry's dad but I let everyone talk me out of it and I wish I hadn't.

So he is Cooper Kenneth, but in my heart he is Cooper Kenneth Grant.







I'll save the twins for tomorrow, it will give me something to write about.

Monday, March 10, 2008

For Tricia

video

So I believe I've mentioned Nate's blog here http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/ . A beautiful blog about a husband trying to get the word out about CF, organ transplants and premature birth. He writes wonderfully and I love keeping up with their great story.

Well a mommy blogger ( http://learysinlove.blogspot.com/2008/03/for-tricia.html ) had a great idea of writing out some of the things that Tricia has to look forward to when she is well and can care for her baby girl.

So I just had to start this post with Ryder's "ketchup" video. I will also never take for granted:

  • having to go to my son every hour to put him back to sleep
  • sleeping with my oldest instead of my husband cuz he won't sleep on his own
  • snuggling up with my daughter on the couch when she's sick and/or tired
  • watching my son want his twin sisters pink chair instead of his own spider man one-and her being ok with that cuz she'd rather have spider man
  • stepping on crumbs in bare feet
  • the kids pulling all the movies off the shelf
  • watching the twins fight over toys
  • wiping their tears when they're hurt
  • having to give Ryder a time out for hitting his sister

Much love to you Tricia, Nate and Gwen.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Can You Help??

There is a mother in need a little help in the blogging world. Now becuz I'm blog illiterate I have no idea how to post things nicely so I'm just gonna give you the link to check out.

*haha, I just figured it out, click on the 'virtual baby shower' sign on the right.

http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/ Check out this blog as well, a wonderful woman dealing with IBC (a type of breast cancer). She's sharing her story and getting the word out about this horrible disease.

Monday, February 25, 2008

A Loooooong 5 Days

I took the kids to visit my parents last Wednesday. It's a three and a half hour drive and I must say they did very well. We had a good time but Cooper and I both had a cough and were very stuffed up by the time we got their Wednesday afternoon. We were busy, did a lot of running around and tried to get in visiting when we could.
Cooper doesn't sleep well so my daddy was nice enough to sleep on the couch and let him and I sleep in bed with my mom, and then Ryder wasn't sleeping well either so he ended up in bed with us too. It was a crowded couple nites and the only ones who got a good sleep were the kids-of course.
We planned to stay until Monday but by Sunday afternoon the kids were all crabby so I decided it was time to come home.
I had a couple different blog topics running thru my head this weekend but right now they have disappeared. The only thing stuck in my head is an awful sight from the drive home Sunday nite.

We left my parents house at 6pm, kind of a crappy time being an hour before bedtime but the kids were so crabby that I just couldn't drag out that last hour so we left. We would have left earlier but we all had to eat and pack the car up so that didn't happen either. The roads weren't busy which was really nice, I just put on my cruise control, sipped my coffee (thanx to my birthday money from my wonderful Nana) and listened to my music.
The main high way goes thru a city so you have to slow right down to 50 (km/h) which woke up Ryder and he wasn't liking the street light so he cried for a little while and was whiny and crying off and on for the next 45 minutes to an hour. He had finally stopped making noise when I seen flashing police lights ahead. I just figured they had pulled someone over for speeding-every time I've passed that area lately there's been cops there. As I got closer I noticed there was a cop on the road with a red wand light that they use to direct traffic and I was hoping I wasn't going to have to stop and have Ryder wake up again. I did have to slow right down, the whole time hoping Ryder would stay quiet, then I realized I was being directed into the opposite lane of traffic and could see the reason-accident. First let me say that I'm a very emotional person, I'm sure I've mentioned this before. So when I looked over to see why I was being sent into the oncoming lane I see a car, a truck had run into it. Draped over the car, was a blanket. Just typing about it has me choked up, all I could think of was what the blanket represented. Someone wasn't going home to their family. Someone out there won't see their mother or father, or brother or sister, or son or daughter.
What if I had left earlier like I wanted to, would that have been us? I push those thoughts out of my head. I was a wreck for the rest of the drive home. Usually I have to have the cruise control so I don't speed, after that I could barely go over 80. I shed a few tears, calmed down and got us home.
I just hope that image leaves my head soon, I'm glad it was only a blanket I seen but I still can't get over that sight yet.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Movie Time

I tried to write a movie review the other day but my computer was not co operating so I'm trying again.



I seen the funniest movie!



Hot Fuzz



If you like cheesy, silly humour-you'll love this. Starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (check out imdb.com for more info), they also starred in Shaun of the Dead which was really funny too.

It's about a London police officer (Simon Pegg) who gets transfered to a small villiage with no crime rate. Strange "accidents" are happening and Sgt. Nicholas Angel is determined to prove that these are not just accidents.

Definately check it out if you like goofy comedy's.




Monday, February 11, 2008

Fertility...

What a loaded word. I caught the end of Oprah the other day and the discussion had something to do with a website that has been set up for people that were born from artificial insemination to find sibling. I personally think that is a wonderful idea.
One of the things brought up was how men get paid to "make a donation" to a sperm bank, and how many of those men lie about themselves to make sure they get money out of the deal. Just makes me hope that people are honest. Don't get me wrong, I think it is wonderful that these places exist.
I was very lucky, I had my problems getting and staying pregnant but nothing compared to some people I know. We didn't have to go thru fertility treatment or have to use a sperm bank and for that I am grateful, but I am also thankful that those places exsist for those that aren't as lucky.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

To All The Troops

My heart breaks for anyone who has a loved oned serving in the military-especially if they are somewhere dangerous at this time. So many have been lost or injured, lives changed forever. I am beyond thanful that no one close to me does this job, it is something I could not handle well at all. The respect I have for those living with these dangers every minute is unmeasurable.
I am sending out big love to all.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Writer's Block

So it seems every time I sit down to write here I have no idea what to say. During the day I have so many thing, I'm always thinking "hey I could write about that", then the time comes and...nothing. I'm not a great writer so maybe that puts me off a litte, I don't know.

I'm a mom, I don't do much during the day that I feel most people want to read about. Why would someone want to read about the horrible or even great day I had with my kids. I guess this is supposed to be more about me anyway, writing about what I want not what people might want to read about. A place to let things out for myself. Well tonite I guess that would be my patience/temper. I'm really trying to stop and calm myself before dealing with the kids, I have a bad habit of just snapping and yelling. I don't like doing that, and of course it doesn't work-doesn't help matters any. Just taking it one day at a time, try to keep my cool and stay calm.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Saw 4

My great idea for "Friday's Film" hasn't been going all that well, I've missed 2 now I think. So I'm just gonna go ahead and do it today! lol

Saw 4

Considering it's the fourth in a series I wasn't sure what to expect. With most horror movies, the more sequals there it, the worse it gets. Luckily I find the Saw movies don't tend to be that way. Sure Saw 2 and 3 weren't that amazing, obviously not as good as the first but that was expected. Well I must say I was pleasantly surprised with the fourth. It really got into more background story, and the twists and turns that are a given with the Saw movies. I was glad to see Donnie Walberg as I must admit my crush on him from WAY back in the day of New Kids On The Block has never really gone away.
If you like the Saw movies, you'll like this.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Natalee Holloway

Things like this case just make me hug my kids tighter and never want to let them go. We all have to let our children grow up and learn how to make their own choices, then you hear these things and consider that maybe you should keep them locked in their room forever.
My heart goes out to Natalee's family and friends, and hope they can have some kind of peace now that they may have the truth.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/02/04/natalee.holloway.suspect/?iref=mpstoryview

Sunday, February 3, 2008

sick, sick, sick

We're all sick. The kids all have colds-runny noses, coughs. Cooper is on medication for strep throat so I'm taking myself and the twins in to the dr see if we have it too. Cooper also has a rash now all over his body so I'll be taking him too to have it checked out. It's been a long couple days, a nice sleep would help if the kids would actually sleep!
Oh how I wish these sleep issues would pass soon.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Welcome Home

Just after I wrote my last post, I was relaxing and playing on the computer. G had gone to hockey the nite I got home, I figured since he let me take off for 2 days I could be ok with him going to a nite of hockey. At 10:22pm the phone rang and thought it would be him asking to go out for a beer with the guys-nope, it was my mom cuz I forgot to call her when I got home.
Then at 10:45pm the phone rings again, this time I'm thinking for sure it's G calling to tell me he's going for a beer-wrong again, this time it's worse. It's his co worker telling me he's being taken to the hospital with a broken nose and possibly a broken rib and concussion! Well needless to say I flip out a little. I'm stuck at home cuz I've got no one to be here with the kids, so all I can think is worst case senario. The girl that's taking him to the hospital calls cuz they are stopping at the house to get his care card which he of course left at home-how smart. He had towel up to his face to catch blood pouring from his nose so I didn't really get to see him.
About an hour later his friend brought him home. Amazingly he had nothing broken at all and no concussion. He was quite soar-obviously, but is doing much better.
I hate those kind of "exciting" nites!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

An Interesting Week

Last Wednesday was not a good day for me. I ran out of my anti-depressant and Wednesday was the first day I'd had it in 4 or 5 days. I couldn't handle the kids whining and crying, I put them to bed as soon 7pm came along. My head felt fuzzy, I was dizzy. My chest was heavy and I couldn't seem to get a full breath in. I felt shaky and unsteady. I was scared I was going to have a panic attack. I've never had one before but I've heard people talk about them and I was scared. I called G and told him I wasn't well, just talking to him helped. He was very understanding, told me it was ok if I went to Nanaimo and took some time for myself-so that's what I did.
I had my labret pierced (below the bottom lip). I've wanted it done for a while now and decided that would be my birthday present, and I'm so happy I did it. Then I got my hair cut which I love. Got together with my best friend and went shopping and had a little adventure-it's what we do-always something simple but fun!
It really helped me to unwind, focus on myself and get myself back.



Friday, January 18, 2008

Friday's Film

Ok, I know I missed last week, we had family visiting. This week:

Black Snake Moan

Overall, not too bad. Samuel L Jackson and Christina Ricci, both good actors. It was interesting to watch the relationship between them to see what it would turn into. It wasn't a movie I had to pay close attention too, I watched it while playing around on the computer.
I'd say maybe 3 out of 5 stars.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

How the week has flown by...

Wow! The past week really went by quickly. I knew I hadn't written in a couple days but I didn't realize it had been a week. Some of G's family were here last Thursday to Saturday, it was really nice to have visitors. Cooper got to have fun with his cousin who is about a year and half older than him-they really had a blast together. And he got to see his Nana and his Aunty P and Aunty K. They all had had so much fun just being together. Aunty P lives a little further away so we don't get to see her as much as we'd like so it was really great having that time together. Saying good-bye was hard. Coop is very emotional and he does not like good-bye's. He won't do them. When he knows it's a final bye for a while he doesn't want to give hugs or kisses, doesn't even like to wave-just wants to cuddle up with mom or dad. Poor kid, I know how he feels, I don't like saying good bye either.

Now onto sleeping, or not sleeping as the case may be. It seems every time I pull up this blog someone starts crying. Right now, it's Ryder. I'm trying to ignore him becuz the more I go up to put him back to sleep, the more he seems to wake up. The hard part is waiting and hoping that he doesn't wake up his sister who is "lucky" enough to share a room with him (thankfully she's a deep sleeper!!). Or worse, hoping he doesn't wake up Cooper who doesn't sleep well anyway without Ryder crying and hollering for mama. And oh how heart breaking it feels some nites to listen to his voice stain to keep calling for me, screaming for me.
Oh sweet boy just go back to sleep.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Hmmmmm

I always seem to have a problem deciding what to write about. During the day something will come across my mind and I'll think "hey I could write about that later", it's not always something interesting, but it's something. My problem, when I turn on the computer and log in to blog every single idea I may have had during the day falls out of my head. I'm convinced if you looked you could see them oozing out of my ears! Maybe if I grab a mirror I can read a few before they hit the floor and disappear.

I am proud of myself for getting off my butt and doing my exercises tonite, I didn't want to-REALLY didn't, but I'm not going to get anywhere by sitting around. Will power, it's definitely something I need more of.

Cooper is now crying so I suppose I'd better get him back to sleep.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Working Out

I'm trying to lose weight, not just to be thinner but to be more healthy. Keeping up with three toddlers isn't the easiest thing to do so why not make it easier by actually being able to run around for longer than 30 seconds before I'm out of breath!!

I've done well, gotten on my glider 2 nites in a row which is a big deal for me. What makes it hard is the last thing I want to do after getting the kids to bed is excercise, plus they don't sleep well so some nites I'm running up and down the stairs every 30 minutes to calm somebody down. It's so frustrating to get into a rhythm and have to stop, go upstairs, put a child back to sleep, come back down and feel like I'm starting all over again.

Maybe writing will help me feel like I've got to excercise, like somehow now that I've shared it I've just got to do it. We'll see.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Bad Nose Day

Well it's been a bad nose day here for both boys. Cooper took a nose dive down the stairs, had a little bit of a bloody nose.
Then later in the afternoon it was Ryder's turn. He took a spill off the couch and got a bloody nose as well.

What am I going to do with these boys?!
(I promise I took these pics after I cuddled him and he was feeling better)

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Small town food

I'm totally craving fast food! Being a very small town the only take out we have is sub way and 2 resteraunts to order from. I could really go for McDonalds right now!

Please excuse my pathetic post, I'm tired and can't really think.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Friday's Film-Transformers

I was trying think of something I could do as a weekly theme, once or twice a week. My husband Garry has Thursday and Fridays off so a lot times we rent movies on Thursday nites, so I figured I'd write about them on Friday. I will say right now that I can guarantee that 99% of the time these movies will not be new-some may be down right old!! But I love movies so I thought that writing about them would be fun. Now on to this weeks movie...

Transformers

This is a movie that I wasn't overly excited to see but I do like Shia LaBeouf (read more about him here: http://imdb.com/name/nm0479471/ ). I was pleasantly surprised by this movie I must say. For a movie about robot transformers from outter space it was quite interesting, , full of action, very funny and the effects were great. My favorite part was the comedy-very well done. I would recomment this movie if you like action and advention, or just want something to watch that you don't have to have to concentrate too much on.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Loss, Despair...then finally HOPE

IWhile cleaning up my room the other day I found my pregnancy journal from Cooper. It was fun to flip thru but I wish I had written in it more, but I was far too terrified. Before getting pregnant with Cooper I had to miscarriages and by the time I was pregnant for a third time I was terrified. After the first one I read that having a miscarriage with your first pregnancy is quite common so the second time I think I just figured everything would be fine. When I was hit with the loss of that baby I was crushed. It was 2 days after our first wedding anniversary, and I took it hard. Obviously. Any loss seems to kill a little part of you, a part you'll never get back. There's 2 holes in my heart that will never heal from those losses.

The third time we were very cautious. I wanted to write down everything to remind me of everything I was feeling, but I didn't want to get too attached-not that that is really possible. G didn't want to tell anyone, we had an ultrasound scheduled for when I would be 7 weeks along and he wanted to wait to make sure things were ok-that was almost 3 weeks away. It was the longest 3 weeks of my life, but well worth the wait. At 7 weeks pregnant, I got to see a tiny little blob on a grainy black and white screen, a tiny little dot of a heart beating away.

In labour with Cooper:
Our first meeting:My sweet boy, about a week old:
Big boy now, his 3rd birthday:








Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Summer Flashback

We live in a small town on Vancouver Island, and we are both originally from a town about 4 hours south. My husband Garry got his dream job here driving zamboni at the local arena so we packed up and left our family and friends to start in a new town. Garry get the month of August off so last year we packed up and went back to our home town for the month.
This day we had gone to the fair that was in town, the kids were tired after a long day and the last thing they wanted to do was get in the car but unfortunately that's just what has to happen. Jorja didn't complain much, just fought her eyes trying to stay awake. Ryder on the other hand (as you will see) was NOT happy to be getting strapped into his seat after being strapped in his stroller all afternoon.
Luckily it all ened with this about 10 minutes later. There's nothing sweeter than two sleeping babies, so peaceful.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

A New Year Begins Again


Cooper has been amazing, he also seems to learn something new every day. This was a big year for him as he started pre school! He's done really well, a lot better than I was expecting, he's settling in nicely. I think I can now consider him potty trained which huge! We are very excited about that. Like everything else, he did it only when he was ready and knew could do it. He loves going to the library and reading before bed. He still isn't sleeping well but maybe that will be the big thing for 2008, we'll see.We are doing well in Port McNeill. It's a nice little town, hard thru the winter having no where to take the kids. We got a new car this year, that's the big thing for us. A 2001 Honda Accord and it just fits us perfectly. We could use a little more trunk space but it is quite spacious. As usual I'm hoping to start writing more, I'm not good at it but I do like it. At the end of the day I'm so tired I usually just watch a bit of tv and go to bed, but we'll see what the new year brings.