Wednesday, November 12, 2008
That's a line from a movie, a line that cuts into my heart. It's so true. When you have a miscarriage that's what you say..."I lost the baby" And sometimes it sounds so stupid.
lost – adjective
1. no longer possessed or retained
I don't know why this is in my head right now, just a random thought. The pain of a miscarriage never leaves you, it dissipates, it gets easier, but it never goes away. It comes up at odd times and overwhelms you, takes over your thoughts. At times like this I just want to curl up, watch a sad movie and cry-get out all my emotions and move on. Times like this make me even more thankful for the 3 healthy children that I was blessed with.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Ok she got me again! Julia at http://sevenangels7.blogspot.com/ has another fun thing up today...You go to this website http://musicoutfitters.com/ type in the year you grad'ed in the search box and it takes you to a list of the top 100 songs from that year. Then you bold the ones you really like and strike thru the ones you hate. now I cannt figure out how to strike thru something so i'm going to put the ones i don't care either way in italics and leave the ones i hate. lol
1. Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix), Los Del Rio
2. One Sweet Day, Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men
3. Because You Loved Me, Celine Dion
4. Nobody Knows, Tony Rich Project
5. Always Be My Baby, Mariah Carey
6. Give Me One Reason, Tracy Chapman
7. Tha Crossroads, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
8. I Love You Always Forever, Donna Lewis
9. You're Makin' Me High/Let It Flow, Toni Braxton
10. Twisted, Keith Sweat
11. C'mon N' Ride It (The Train), Quad City Dj's
12. Missing, Everything But The Girl
13. Ironic, Alanis Morissette
14. Exhale (Shoop Shoop), Whitney Houston
15. Follow You Down/Til I Hear It From You, Gin Blossoms
16. Sittin' Up In My Room, Brandy
17. How Do U Want It/California Love, 2Pac
18. It's All Coming Back To Me Now, Celine Dion
19. Change The World, Eric Clapton
20. Hey Lover, LL Cool J
21. Loungin, LL Cool J
22. Insensitive, Jann Arden
23. Be My Lover, La Bouche
24. Name, Goo Goo Dolls
25. Who Will Save Your Soul, Jewel
26. Where Do You Go, No Mercy
27. I Can't Sleep Baby (If I), R. Kelly
28. Counting Blue Cars, Dishwalla
29. You Learn/You Oughta Know, Alanis Morissette
30. One Of Us, Joan Osborne
31. Wonder, Natalie Merchant
32. Not Gon' Cry, Mary J. Blige
33. Gangsta's Paradise, Coolio
34. Only You, 112 Featuring The Notorious B.I.G.
35. Down Low (Nobody Has To Know), R. Kelly
36. You're The One, SWV
37. Sweet Dreams, La Bouche
38. Before You Walk Out Of My Life/Like This And Like That, Monica
39. Breakfast At Tiffany's, Deep Blue Something
40. 1, 2, 3, 4 (Sumpin' New), Coolio
41. The World I Know, Collective Soul
42. No Diggity, BLACKstreet (Featuring Dr. Dre)
43. Anything, 3t
44. 1979, The Smashing Pumpkins
45. Diggin' On You, TLC
46. Why I Love You So Much/Ain't Nobody, Monica
47. Kissin' You, Total
48. Count On Me, Whitney Houston and Cece Winans
49. Fantasy, Mariah Carey
50. Time, Hootie and The Blowfish
51. You'll See, Madonna
52. Last Night, Az Yet
53. Mouth, Merril Bainbridge
54. The Earth, The Sun, The Rain, Color Me Badd
55. All The Things (Your Man Won't Do), Joe
56. Wonderwall, Oasis
57. Woo-hah!! Got You All In Check/Everything Remains Raw, Busta Rhymes
58. Tell Me, Groove Theory
59. Elevators (Me and You), Outkast
60. Hook, Blues Traveler
61. Doin It, LL Cool J
62. Fastlove, George Michael
63. Touch Me Tease Me, Case Featuring Foxxy Brown
64. Tonite's Tha Night, Kris Kross
65. Children, Robert Miles
66. Theme From Mission: Impossible, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen
67. Closer To Free, Bodeans
68. Just A Girl, No Doubt
69. If Your Girl Only Knew, Aaliyah
70. Lady, D'angelo
71. Key West Intermezzo (I Saw You First), John Mellencamp
72. Pony, Ginuwine
73. Nobody, Keith Sweat
74. Old Man and Me (When I Get To Heaven), Hootie and The Blowfish
75. If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow
76. As I Lay Me Down, Sophie B. Hawkins
77. Keep On, Keepin' On, Mc Lyte
78. Jealousy, Natalie Merchant
79. I Want To Come Over, Melissa Etheridge
80. Who Do U Love, Deborah Cox
81. Un-Break My Heart, Toni Braxton
82. This Is Your Night, Amber
83. You Remind Me Of Something, R. Kelly
84. Runaway, Janet Jackson
85. Set U Free, Planet Soul
86. Hit Me Off, New Edition
87. No One Else, Total
88. My Boo, Ghost Town Dj's
89. Get Money, Junior M.A.F.I.A.
90. That Girl, Maxi Priest Featuring Shaggy
91. Po Pimp, Do Or Die
92. Until It Sleeps, Metallica
93. Hay, Crucial Conflict
94. Beautiful Life, Ace Of Base
95. Back For Good, Take That
96. I Got Id/Long Road, Pearl Jam
97. Soon As I Get Home, Faith Evans
98. Macarena, Los Del Rio
99. Only Wanna Be With You, Hootie and The Blowfish
100. Don't Cry, Seal
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Ok that gets us back to now, something fun from her blog that I figured I'd do cuz I have nothing else to write about right now.
1. Where is your cell phone? shelf
2. Where is your significant other? work
3. Your hair color? black
4. Your mother? amazing
5. Your father? strong
6. Your favorite thing? photography
7. Your dream last night? dunno
8. Your dream/goal? photographer
9. The room you’re in? living
10. Your hobby? photography
11. Your fear? money
12. Where do you want to be in six years? home
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you’re not? confident
15. One of your wish list items? camera
16. Where you grew up? Nanaimo
17. The last thing you did? facebook
18. What are you wearing? glasses
19. Your T.V.? GREY'S!!
20. Your pet? annoying
21. Your computer? laptop
22. Your mood? sad
23. Missing someone? yes
24. Your car? accord
25. Something you’re not wearing? earrings
26. Favorite store? micheals
27. Your Summer? hard
28.Love someone? overly
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? today
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
So get up, put one foot in front of the other, try to feel better until something else hits, cuz it will...it's only a matter of time.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Garry loves playing hockey, always has. He's played in different fun tournaments, ice hockey and roller hockey. Last year he decided he wanted to put on his own tournament but do it for a good cause-and for us that cause is MS. He did a great job. He got some great prizes, got help from others who got some great prizes, had spectacular jerzies made for his team, made sure he had all kinds of team prizes, had a good friend put on a dinner with partial procedes going to MS as well. Yes it's been stressfull, yes it's been hard work but it's all paid off this weekend. All the teams have had fun and I think most are looking forward to next year already! We don't know the final count on money raised but I'm sure it was pretty decent.
The kids even did well being at the arena half the day yesterday and Cooper made a new friend.
To my dear husband: Thank you. Thank you for all your hard work that nobody seen but me. Thank you for putting up with crabbiness when I was having a bad day and being a baby about not having more time with you. Thank you for putting together a weekend that will benefit my mother and many others dealing with this horrible disease. Thank you for loving me and being so wonderful.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Next week we need someone to actually come to the house for Friday afternoon/evening, we'll see how they do with someone else giving them dinner and putting them to bed!
Monday, September 8, 2008
I give thanx for my family, me three beautiful kids. I am blessed.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
If you have a minute check out this blog. It is written by a man named Nate about his experience being a husband to a wonderful woman named Tricia who has CF and their baby daughter who was born 15+ weeks early...who are both doing wonderful right now I might add. He writes wonderfully and their journey is an amazing one.
When I'm having a bad day all I have to do is think of them and other families that have had the worry of having a child born too early. I can't imagine how stressful and scary that must be to have a child in the NICU, not knowing what's going to happen.
I also think about how long it took for us to have a successful pregnancy. Trying for a year and 2 miscarriages...so painful. I was just under 7 weeks pregnant for both, the second one really knocked me off my feet. The first time was awful, but I was told and read so much that said having a miscarriage with your first pregnancy was very common so I think the second time I was really hopeful. I thought that just maybe everything would ok this time so when I lost the baby it just killed me. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to leave the house. The pain cut in so deep that I didn't know how to leave it behind. Then I was caught in the middle of wanting to try again but being so terrified of losing another baby. So when I did get pregnant the third (and successful) time I was very guarded at first, I didn't let myself get too excited right away. We got an ultra sound at 7 weeks and everything was fine, at that point I let myself start feel good about it.
So the days that the kids are driving me absolutely crazy I let myself think of that pain, just briefly. I think of those days of feeling like I might never have a child and how blessed I would feel when I did. And I do feel blessed, and I try to remember that every day.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
We're off to the lawyer tomorrow to sign all the papers and see if we can move our closing date up any.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I think I've gotten better, I don't freak out quite as easily as I used to-at least not over the really simple things. But cancer isn't simple. Cancer isn't something I can just put aside.
My aunts cancer is back. She's been fighting it for a while, and fighting it hard. She was doing ok but at her last appointment they found it has returned and she went for tests last week to see how bad it is.
Then yesterday I found out one of my good friends may have cancer. I'm absolutely freaking out. People keep telling me not worry and keep positive thoughts up, and I really am trying. I'm trying becuz the thought of her actually having cancer is too scary to think of, when my mind goes there I just want to shut down.
If anyone is out there, please think some good thoughts.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Well a new I have stumbled upon is http://murraycrew.blogspot.com/ : 4tunate. The are a family with quadruplet boys! This is exciting to me becuz having twins myself I know its tricky, but have 4, wow! You guys rock!! The topic over there has been names-choosing names, rules for choosing names, etc. So I thought it might be fun to play along and share.
With both pregnancies we didn't find out what we were having, we went for the surprise. That meant we had to come up with a boy and a girl name. Well, girl names-no problem! We had so many we had a hard time choosing just one. Boy names, well that was another story. We could not agree on a boys name-nothing. We both had a feeling it would be a boy so when I went into labour 3 weeks early we figured we better pick something. We of course had been throwing names around for months but nothing that we both really liked.
So during the day, waiting to go back to the hospital, Garry brings up the name Cooper. I like this name, and funny enough I had actually brought it up TO HIM a couple months before and he wasn't crazy about it. Go figure. So we decided on Cooper and as soon as we seen him we knew it was the right name. Garry likes to take credit for it, but I know I thought of it first!!
His middle name was easy, it's Kenneth after my daddy. I also wanted a second middle name to be Grant after Garry's dad but I let everyone talk me out of it and I wish I hadn't.
So he is Cooper Kenneth, but in my heart he is Cooper Kenneth Grant.
I'll save the twins for tomorrow, it will give me something to write about.
Monday, March 10, 2008
So I believe I've mentioned Nate's blog here http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/ . A beautiful blog about a husband trying to get the word out about CF, organ transplants and premature birth. He writes wonderfully and I love keeping up with their great story.
Well a mommy blogger ( http://learysinlove.blogspot.com/2008/03/for-tricia.html ) had a great idea of writing out some of the things that Tricia has to look forward to when she is well and can care for her baby girl.
So I just had to start this post with Ryder's "ketchup" video. I will also never take for granted:
- having to go to my son every hour to put him back to sleep
- sleeping with my oldest instead of my husband cuz he won't sleep on his own
- snuggling up with my daughter on the couch when she's sick and/or tired
- watching my son want his twin sisters pink chair instead of his own spider man one-and her being ok with that cuz she'd rather have spider man
- stepping on crumbs in bare feet
- the kids pulling all the movies off the shelf
- watching the twins fight over toys
- wiping their tears when they're hurt
- having to give Ryder a time out for hitting his sister
Much love to you Tricia, Nate and Gwen.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
*haha, I just figured it out, click on the 'virtual baby shower' sign on the right.
http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/ Check out this blog as well, a wonderful woman dealing with IBC (a type of breast cancer). She's sharing her story and getting the word out about this horrible disease.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Cooper doesn't sleep well so my daddy was nice enough to sleep on the couch and let him and I sleep in bed with my mom, and then Ryder wasn't sleeping well either so he ended up in bed with us too. It was a crowded couple nites and the only ones who got a good sleep were the kids-of course.
We planned to stay until Monday but by Sunday afternoon the kids were all crabby so I decided it was time to come home.
I had a couple different blog topics running thru my head this weekend but right now they have disappeared. The only thing stuck in my head is an awful sight from the drive home Sunday nite.
We left my parents house at 6pm, kind of a crappy time being an hour before bedtime but the kids were so crabby that I just couldn't drag out that last hour so we left. We would have left earlier but we all had to eat and pack the car up so that didn't happen either. The roads weren't busy which was really nice, I just put on my cruise control, sipped my coffee (thanx to my birthday money from my wonderful Nana) and listened to my music.
The main high way goes thru a city so you have to slow right down to 50 (km/h) which woke up Ryder and he wasn't liking the street light so he cried for a little while and was whiny and crying off and on for the next 45 minutes to an hour. He had finally stopped making noise when I seen flashing police lights ahead. I just figured they had pulled someone over for speeding-every time I've passed that area lately there's been cops there. As I got closer I noticed there was a cop on the road with a red wand light that they use to direct traffic and I was hoping I wasn't going to have to stop and have Ryder wake up again. I did have to slow right down, the whole time hoping Ryder would stay quiet, then I realized I was being directed into the opposite lane of traffic and could see the reason-accident. First let me say that I'm a very emotional person, I'm sure I've mentioned this before. So when I looked over to see why I was being sent into the oncoming lane I see a car, a truck had run into it. Draped over the car, was a blanket. Just typing about it has me choked up, all I could think of was what the blanket represented. Someone wasn't going home to their family. Someone out there won't see their mother or father, or brother or sister, or son or daughter.
What if I had left earlier like I wanted to, would that have been us? I push those thoughts out of my head. I was a wreck for the rest of the drive home. Usually I have to have the cruise control so I don't speed, after that I could barely go over 80. I shed a few tears, calmed down and got us home.
I just hope that image leaves my head soon, I'm glad it was only a blanket I seen but I still can't get over that sight yet.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I seen the funniest movie!
If you like cheesy, silly humour-you'll love this. Starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (check out imdb.com for more info), they also starred in Shaun of the Dead which was really funny too.
It's about a London police officer (Simon Pegg) who gets transfered to a small villiage with no crime rate. Strange "accidents" are happening and Sgt. Nicholas Angel is determined to prove that these are not just accidents.
Definately check it out if you like goofy comedy's.
Monday, February 11, 2008
One of the things brought up was how men get paid to "make a donation" to a sperm bank, and how many of those men lie about themselves to make sure they get money out of the deal. Just makes me hope that people are honest. Don't get me wrong, I think it is wonderful that these places exist.
I was very lucky, I had my problems getting and staying pregnant but nothing compared to some people I know. We didn't have to go thru fertility treatment or have to use a sperm bank and for that I am grateful, but I am also thankful that those places exsist for those that aren't as lucky.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I am sending out big love to all.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
I'm a mom, I don't do much during the day that I feel most people want to read about. Why would someone want to read about the horrible or even great day I had with my kids. I guess this is supposed to be more about me anyway, writing about what I want not what people might want to read about. A place to let things out for myself. Well tonite I guess that would be my patience/temper. I'm really trying to stop and calm myself before dealing with the kids, I have a bad habit of just snapping and yelling. I don't like doing that, and of course it doesn't work-doesn't help matters any. Just taking it one day at a time, try to keep my cool and stay calm.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Considering it's the fourth in a series I wasn't sure what to expect. With most horror movies, the more sequals there it, the worse it gets. Luckily I find the Saw movies don't tend to be that way. Sure Saw 2 and 3 weren't that amazing, obviously not as good as the first but that was expected. Well I must say I was pleasantly surprised with the fourth. It really got into more background story, and the twists and turns that are a given with the Saw movies. I was glad to see Donnie Walberg as I must admit my crush on him from WAY back in the day of New Kids On The Block has never really gone away.
If you like the Saw movies, you'll like this.
Monday, February 4, 2008
My heart goes out to Natalee's family and friends, and hope they can have some kind of peace now that they may have the truth.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Oh how I wish these sleep issues would pass soon.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Then at 10:45pm the phone rings again, this time I'm thinking for sure it's G calling to tell me he's going for a beer-wrong again, this time it's worse. It's his co worker telling me he's being taken to the hospital with a broken nose and possibly a broken rib and concussion! Well needless to say I flip out a little. I'm stuck at home cuz I've got no one to be here with the kids, so all I can think is worst case senario. The girl that's taking him to the hospital calls cuz they are stopping at the house to get his care card which he of course left at home-how smart. He had towel up to his face to catch blood pouring from his nose so I didn't really get to see him.
About an hour later his friend brought him home. Amazingly he had nothing broken at all and no concussion. He was quite soar-obviously, but is doing much better.
I hate those kind of "exciting" nites!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I had my labret pierced (below the bottom lip). I've wanted it done for a while now and decided that would be my birthday present, and I'm so happy I did it. Then I got my hair cut which I love. Got together with my best friend and went shopping and had a little adventure-it's what we do-always something simple but fun!
It really helped me to unwind, focus on myself and get myself back.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Black Snake Moan
Overall, not too bad. Samuel L Jackson and Christina Ricci, both good actors. It was interesting to watch the relationship between them to see what it would turn into. It wasn't a movie I had to pay close attention too, I watched it while playing around on the computer.
I'd say maybe 3 out of 5 stars.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Now onto sleeping, or not sleeping as the case may be. It seems every time I pull up this blog someone starts crying. Right now, it's Ryder. I'm trying to ignore him becuz the more I go up to put him back to sleep, the more he seems to wake up. The hard part is waiting and hoping that he doesn't wake up his sister who is "lucky" enough to share a room with him (thankfully she's a deep sleeper!!). Or worse, hoping he doesn't wake up Cooper who doesn't sleep well anyway without Ryder crying and hollering for mama. And oh how heart breaking it feels some nites to listen to his voice stain to keep calling for me, screaming for me.
Oh sweet boy just go back to sleep.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
I am proud of myself for getting off my butt and doing my exercises tonite, I didn't want to-REALLY didn't, but I'm not going to get anywhere by sitting around. Will power, it's definitely something I need more of.
Cooper is now crying so I suppose I'd better get him back to sleep.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
I've done well, gotten on my glider 2 nites in a row which is a big deal for me. What makes it hard is the last thing I want to do after getting the kids to bed is excercise, plus they don't sleep well so some nites I'm running up and down the stairs every 30 minutes to calm somebody down. It's so frustrating to get into a rhythm and have to stop, go upstairs, put a child back to sleep, come back down and feel like I'm starting all over again.
Maybe writing will help me feel like I've got to excercise, like somehow now that I've shared it I've just got to do it. We'll see.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Then later in the afternoon it was Ryder's turn. He took a spill off the couch and got a bloody nose as well.
What am I going to do with these boys?!
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Please excuse my pathetic post, I'm tired and can't really think.
Friday, January 4, 2008
This is a movie that I wasn't overly excited to see but I do like Shia LaBeouf (read more about him here: http://imdb.com/name/nm0479471/ ). I was pleasantly surprised by this movie I must say. For a movie about robot transformers from outter space it was quite interesting, , full of action, very funny and the effects were great. My favorite part was the comedy-very well done. I would recomment this movie if you like action and advention, or just want something to watch that you don't have to have to concentrate too much on.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
The third time we were very cautious. I wanted to write down everything to remind me of everything I was feeling, but I didn't want to get too attached-not that that is really possible. G didn't want to tell anyone, we had an ultrasound scheduled for when I would be 7 weeks along and he wanted to wait to make sure things were ok-that was almost 3 weeks away. It was the longest 3 weeks of my life, but well worth the wait. At 7 weeks pregnant, I got to see a tiny little blob on a grainy black and white screen, a tiny little dot of a heart beating away.
In labour with Cooper:
Our first meeting:My sweet boy, about a week old:
Big boy now, his 3rd birthday:
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
This day we had gone to the fair that was in town, the kids were tired after a long day and the last thing they wanted to do was get in the car but unfortunately that's just what has to happen. Jorja didn't complain much, just fought her eyes trying to stay awake. Ryder on the other hand (as you will see) was NOT happy to be getting strapped into his seat after being strapped in his stroller all afternoon.
Luckily it all ened with this about 10 minutes later. There's nothing sweeter than two sleeping babies, so peaceful.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Cooper has been amazing, he also seems to learn something new every day. This was a big year for him as he started pre school! He's done really well, a lot better than I was expecting, he's settling in nicely. I think I can now consider him potty trained which huge! We are very excited about that. Like everything else, he did it only when he was ready and knew could do it. He loves going to the library and reading before bed. He still isn't sleeping well but maybe that will be the big thing for 2008, we'll see.We are doing well in Port McNeill. It's a nice little town, hard thru the winter having no where to take the kids. We got a new car this year, that's the big thing for us. A 2001 Honda Accord and it just fits us perfectly. We could use a little more trunk space but it is quite spacious. As usual I'm hoping to start writing more, I'm not good at it but I do like it. At the end of the day I'm so tired I usually just watch a bit of tv and go to bed, but we'll see what the new year brings.