Loss, Despair...then finally HOPE

IWhile cleaning up my room the other day I found my pregnancy journal from Cooper. It was fun to flip thru but I wish I had written in it more, but I was far too terrified. Before getting pregnant with Cooper I had to miscarriages and by the time I was pregnant for a third time I was terrified. After the first one I read that having a miscarriage with your first pregnancy is quite common so the second time I think I just figured everything would be fine. When I was hit with the loss of that baby I was crushed. It was 2 days after our first wedding anniversary, and I took it hard. Obviously. Any loss seems to kill a little part of you, a part you'll never get back. There's 2 holes in my heart that will never heal from those losses.

The third time we were very cautious. I wanted to write down everything to remind me of everything I was feeling, but I didn't want to get too attached-not that that is really possible. G didn't want to tell anyone, we had an ultrasound scheduled for when I would be 7 weeks along and he wanted to wait to make sure things were ok-that was almost 3 weeks away. It was the longest 3 weeks of my life, but well worth the wait. At 7 weeks pregnant, I got to see a tiny little blob on a grainy black and white screen, a tiny little dot of a heart beating away.

In labour with Cooper:
Our first meeting:My sweet boy, about a week old:
Big boy now, his 3rd birthday:








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