Saturday, July 26, 2008

way too tired

alright, i've been way too tired to post anything. working a lot, still packing and doing all that "mommy" stuff too.
tomorrow is my 6th wedding anniversary. I go to work 10am-4pm and then he goes to work we don't even get to see each other except for a couple hours in the morning. that sux.

Friday, July 25, 2008

oh the sleepiness

Between work and packing, and just normal every day stuff I'm so exhausted lately. We move next Thursday and already can't wait for it all to be over.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Keeping grounded

There are a few things I know will keep me grounded, this is one of them:

If you have a minute check out this blog. It is written by a man named Nate about his experience being a husband to a wonderful woman named Tricia who has CF and their baby daughter who was born 15+ weeks early...who are both doing wonderful right now I might add. He writes wonderfully and their journey is an amazing one.

When I'm having a bad day all I have to do is think of them and other families that have had the worry of having a child born too early. I can't imagine how stressful and scary that must be to have a child in the NICU, not knowing what's going to happen.

I also think about how long it took for us to have a successful pregnancy. Trying for a year and 2 painful. I was just under 7 weeks pregnant for both, the second one really knocked me off my feet. The first time was awful, but I was told and read so much that said having a miscarriage with your first pregnancy was very common so I think the second time I was really hopeful. I thought that just maybe everything would ok this time so when I lost the baby it just killed me. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to leave the house. The pain cut in so deep that I didn't know how to leave it behind. Then I was caught in the middle of wanting to try again but being so terrified of losing another baby. So when I did get pregnant the third (and successful) time I was very guarded at first, I didn't let myself get too excited right away. We got an ultra sound at 7 weeks and everything was fine, at that point I let myself start feel good about it.

So the days that the kids are driving me absolutely crazy I let myself think of that pain, just briefly. I think of those days of feeling like I might never have a child and how blessed I would feel when I did. And I do feel blessed, and I try to remember that every day.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Cherished moments.

There are days that my children drive me crazy. Anyone with kids knows this're tired, exhausted even, and you just want 5 minutes of peace! My twins Ryder and Jorja didn't have a good nap today so by 5pm they were tired and very cranky. By 6:15pm I was done listening to the whining so I said the magic word: bath. Yes this is a very powerful word in this household right now, they just L.O.V.E. their bath. I enjoyed my 40 or so minutes of happy twins by packing up the bathroom stuff (we're moving soon!) and just sitting. During this time Cooper played on the computer and also stayed out of my hair, truly a miracle.

And then it happened, it was time to pull the plug. Ryder: no problem. As soon as his hair gets wet he's ready to get out. Jorja: end of the world. During the past 2 weeks or so she has NOT wanted to get out of the tub! Even once all the water is gone and it's just her and a couple bubbles left she's happy just sitting there. So being that she was not in a good mood to begin with pulling her out of the tub was not fun. She cried when I pulled her out, she cried when I dried her off, she cried and squirmed when I put her diaper on...finally I got her to settle down by bribing her with a phone call to daddy at work. That worked! She said goodnite to dad, got on her jammies and then it was time to get into bed, and that's when any ounce of happiness, or even calmness, disappeared. She had a royal fit! Luckily Ryder layed down nicely, he was too exhausted to care what else was going on. I tried to snuggle with Jorja but she fought me to get up so I left the room and let her have her moment. About 30 seconds later it was quiet, you'd think that would be good but I knew it was too quick, and yep I heard the throwing start. She was taking the toys out of the toy box and throwing them on the floor so I went in and I sat down and made her sit with me until she calmed down. Oh holding her down to settle her is not fun but I knew it was the only way to calm her without her completely destroying her room. In about 5 minutes she took her soother and layed down. I cuddled up with her for a few seconds, she put her hand up my sleep (it's her 'thing') and snuggled in. I kissed her forehead and breathed in her lavender hair, I just wanted to crawl in and go to sleep with her. It's amazing how those small moments when everything is right can make you forget about the long moments of craziness that make you wanna pull out your hair!

She is now sleeping peacefully, looking angelic with the soft glow of her nite lite shining on her skin. The frustrating times of the day have fallen away and I'm left with the cherished moments. There are 2 other big things that make me forget those annoying times but I'll leave that for another post.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

We bought a house!!

Oh there were times I thought we would never get to this point! We are awful with money, we spend too much and save none so when this opportunity came about we figured we'd better jump on it. Without going in to much detail we were able to "get" enough for a down payment and we got approved. The downside, it's a 2 bedroom single trailer...quite small for a family of 5. But we just couldn't let the opportunity pass us by so we figure we can make it work for a couple years and then see where we're at financially at that point and look in to something more suited to us. But for now we finally have a place of our OWN!! .home.

We're off to the lawyer tomorrow to sign all the papers and see if we can move our closing date up any.