My Baby Girl

The baby who was to be the newest member of our family come September is now gone. I went into labour Saturday March 14, 2009 at 14 weeks, 4 days pregnant. I was already in full labour and dialating when I got to the hospital and nothing could be done. It was terribly heartbreaking as we found her heartbeat on the doppler when we first got there around 9pm, she was still alive and kicking but there was no hope for her.
After a tremendous amount of pain our daughter, Ireland Lila, was born at 11:35pm. We got to see her. She was about the size of my hand, her little feet the size of the tip of my pinky finger. I just wanted to take her all in, could see each little rib, her hands were perfect with little nailbeds waiting for nails. Her long legs bent at the knee, those little feet that had been kicking at me for weeks which I was finally feeling.

My heart is broken. My three children are keeping me sane, keeping me going. I hate my body for 'kicking out' my sweet baby girl, so loved. She deserves to be here, we deserve to have her here.


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