I sit on the couch, computer in my lap, feeling little kicks and squirms in my lower belly. I think back on this past year with smiles and tears. Last year at this same time I was pregnant but didn't know it yet and really not having a great year, hoping that 2009 would be better for me. Well 2009 held other surprises...
Found out we were pregnant mid January sometime and struggled a lot with that. Neither of us wanted another baby, the timing was horrible but we came to terms with it. Finally we made it public news and I was getting excited when my world was shattered. March 14th, 2009 I gave birth to Ireland Lila at 15 weeks pregnant. She had gotten an infection somehow left this world before she came into it. We love her dearly and is part of our family-she just cannot be here with us physically.

Then at the beginning of September I found out I was pregnant again. Filled with hope and fear, the pregnancy process started again with ultrasounds and appts. There is no rest for brain which is always wondering the worst but so far everything is great. I went thru Ireland's due date, sad she was not here, and hoping that this baby will make it. Christmas came with mixed emotions this year. I am so happy that this baby girl is doing well but I also miss my Ireland so much and am sad that she did not get her chance. It's very strange emotions to be pregnant and grieving at the same time.
My parents got Ireland a christmas present, it is a beautiful tree ornament but I think I will leave it out with her stuff. I just don't want to pack it away in a box until next year.

2010 is approaching and I wonder what it will bring. This baby girl is still kicking away making me smile. Please let her come to us safe and healthy in 4 months.


margaret said…
Goodness Amanda, Congratulations! I am sure you must be struggling with apprehension and a bit of fear but I will have faith for you that your little girl will be born safe and sound around her due date and that all will be well. I must admit, I feel a little envy every time I find out another babylost mama is expecting. Not in a bad way at all though, just a yearning for the newborn months again. My own baby is becoming a toddler now and it's hard to accept that this will be it for us. Please keep us posted, I will be keeping you and your new baby in my thoughts. Hugs
Jennifer Ross said…
Hi Amanda,

I just checked out what you did for Holly with Carleigh's name in the stars. WOW.... it is so beautiful. I think that it is a wonderful idea. If you wouldn't mind, I would really appreciate if you could do Isaiah's name in the stars.

I don't know if you have seen my blog or not, but this is the first time that I've come across yours. I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter. This is a beautiful thing that you are doing in honor of her.

If you are able to do his name, my e-mail is: hoster777@live.com

hi Amanda

I had to come by and read Ireland Lila's story.

I love what you wrote "somehow left this world before she came into it. We love her dearly and is part of our family-she just cannot be here with us physically."

My daughter ~Charlotte~ left this world too before she 'physically' came into it. I am so sorry Ireland didn't get to stay.Her name is beautiful.

Being pregnant after saying goodbye to a precious baby is so difficult. I can only imagine how you feel, my whole 8months was lived on the edge... My twin boys arrived safely 22 months after their sister was born still.

I will pray for your new bub. xx (hugs) Trish

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