Sunday, December 27, 2009


I sit on the couch, computer in my lap, feeling little kicks and squirms in my lower belly. I think back on this past year with smiles and tears. Last year at this same time I was pregnant but didn't know it yet and really not having a great year, hoping that 2009 would be better for me. Well 2009 held other surprises...
Found out we were pregnant mid January sometime and struggled a lot with that. Neither of us wanted another baby, the timing was horrible but we came to terms with it. Finally we made it public news and I was getting excited when my world was shattered. March 14th, 2009 I gave birth to Ireland Lila at 15 weeks pregnant. She had gotten an infection somehow left this world before she came into it. We love her dearly and is part of our family-she just cannot be here with us physically.

Then at the beginning of September I found out I was pregnant again. Filled with hope and fear, the pregnancy process started again with ultrasounds and appts. There is no rest for brain which is always wondering the worst but so far everything is great. I went thru Ireland's due date, sad she was not here, and hoping that this baby will make it. Christmas came with mixed emotions this year. I am so happy that this baby girl is doing well but I also miss my Ireland so much and am sad that she did not get her chance. It's very strange emotions to be pregnant and grieving at the same time.
My parents got Ireland a christmas present, it is a beautiful tree ornament but I think I will leave it out with her stuff. I just don't want to pack it away in a box until next year.

2010 is approaching and I wonder what it will bring. This baby girl is still kicking away making me smile. Please let her come to us safe and healthy in 4 months.