Tuesday, October 5, 2010

October 15th

October is miscarriage/stillborn/infant loss awareness month. Spread the word. Visit Written in the Stars to request a namr for your lost child.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

No Time

I keep saying to myself every day that I'm going to start writing, yet I always end up doing something else. It's a busy couple days for me, I've been editing photos from 3 shoots, I'm on the last batch but they need to be done by tomorrow morning so it's another busy nite. Eventually I will start writing some more.
Scarlet is such a blessing. Always missing my Ireland.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

AppleCheeks Give Away

I've just recently started trying out cloth diapering with Scarlet, so far I'm finding it ok. I don't have many diapers so it's very part time right now but I would love more.
There's a great company called AppleCheeks and I would love to try their diapers, I've heard they're fabulous. They are doing a give away right now! So if you cloth diaper, or are interested in trying, head on over to their blog...

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Loving her...

always missing her sister...

Friday, May 21, 2010

She's here!

Scarlet was born May 11th, at 1:41pm. 6 pounds, 11 ounces and perfectly healthy.

Thursday, May 6, 2010


I am definately ready to have this baby. I've been ready for weeks. Everyone keeps asking how I'm doing and telling me to be patient...it will happen when baby is ready. Easier said than done. I know everyone means well but it's very hard for me to sit back and wait. I want this baby here in my arms where I can SEE her and know she's ok. I want to count her fingers and toes and watch her sleep. Most of all I want to look at her face until I can't keep my eyes open any longer, and stroke her head.

When you have lost a baby it adds a whole new level of fear and longing to have your baby here with you. I had an ultra sound at almost 20 weeks and I haven't 'seen' her since. I can feel her and I get to hear her heart beatin at my appointments, both of those things are wonderful...but it's not the same as having her here in my arms to KNOW she's ok. Bad things can happen at any time, I know that just becuz she is in my arms doesn't mean I can protect her from all the bad thing in this world, but I can sure try!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Everything is well

It's been far too long since I've last written but I just can't find the time or energy...mainly energy. Writing usually makes me feel better but lately it just feels like work trying to come up with words that make sense. Nothing make sense! Nothing come together right in my head, there doesn't seem to be words that fit my feelings.

I went thru Ireland's birthday feeling like I would have some kind of peace afterwords, well I don't. I almost feel worse. Part of me wants to just pack all of her stuff away and not look at it, and that makes me sad. I leave it out tho becuz I know that if I were to put it all away and see that empty spot on the wall every day I would go crazy feeling like I just packed HER in a box. I'm sure a lot of it is emotions about this new baby coming. In no way do I feel like I'm replacing Ireland but it's also very hard. I've gotten used to wanting everything I can to remind of Ireland but now I have to put that aside, somewhat, and focus on a new baby that's going to need love and attention.

My emotions are jumbled and everything is confusing right now.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Missing Ireland

I am having one of those nites. A nite where all I feel is the yearning for Ireland. I want to feel it, I want to surround myself with it, bring it in to me. It's amazing how tired crying can make you, but it's needed. It's not a bad thing, I'm feeling her loss tonite and it's alright! It's OK!!

*My Immortal* Evanescence

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along