It's been far too long since I've last written but I just can't find the time or energy...mainly energy. Writing usually makes me feel better but lately it just feels like work trying to come up with words that make sense. Nothing make sense! Nothing come together right in my head, there doesn't seem to be words that fit my feelings.
I went thru Ireland's birthday feeling like I would have some kind of peace afterwords, well I don't. I almost feel worse. Part of me wants to just pack all of her stuff away and not look at it, and that makes me sad. I leave it out tho becuz I know that if I were to put it all away and see that empty spot on the wall every day I would go crazy feeling like I just packed HER in a box. I'm sure a lot of it is emotions about this new baby coming. In no way do I feel like I'm replacing Ireland but it's also very hard. I've gotten used to wanting everything I can to remind of Ireland but now I have to put that aside, somewhat, and focus on a new baby that's going to need love and attention.
My emotions are jumbled and everything is confusing right now.